6/27/2007

Memo to the President of Iran

Dear Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,

I regret to inform you that the recent decision to ration the gas consumption of the plebes has guaranteed the failure of your regime. As of last night, the masses are rioting and two gas stations have been burned. I recommend evacuation as this is surely not our moment of triumph. Our Supreme Leader is not pleased.
In light of recent events, I also recommend that you begin a thorough study of How to Be an Evil Overlord. Point #12 is of particular interest:
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before iplementation.

Had we kept said child in our employ, no doubt he or she would have predicted the result of the ration.
In light of the situation, I would advise you to remain indoors. Under no circumstances are you to go outside. Make no public appearances and cancel all speeches and appointments for the rest of the day. I will tell anyone wishing to see you that you have a cold.
In the meantime, plans for Total World Domination and the Annihilation of Israel will have to be put on hold. The Department of Strategic Studies is currently formulating a plan to deal with last night's riots and will present the results in a meeting this afternoon.

Respectfully,
Persian Underling

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