Merry Christmas

I got this one from my sister.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that this country is a country you are part of, nor that it is necessarily greater than any other country, or is indeed the only "your country" worth referring to), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual reference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.


Erik Sorenson said...

J U S T A H O O T !

I'm sure that your sister has left SOMETHING out ... I can't put my finger on it right now, but the warranty looks way too short, for one thing, and excludes the jurisdiction for legal purposes. You may want, for example, to consider using Belize for this purpose ... not that any other country wouldn't do ... and mindful that this is not an endorsement of Belize or, for that matter, a denigration of other countries who may or may not be eligible for consideration ....

Herman said...

I take exception to the fact that it is written in English. That discriminates against people who do not natively speak and write English (such as the Wallisian-speaking Wallisians); worse, it discriminates against the illiterate. There should also be an audio version for the illiterate and a Braille version for the blind and deaf. I am not sure what to suggest for the quadriplegic who is also blind and deaf. You're on your own there.

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