3/31/2006

The Pamela Anderson Meeting

Suppose for a moment that Prime Minister Stephen Harper did lose his mind and grant Ms. Anderson an audience. How do you think that meeting would go? I envision something similar to the following.
First of all, Anderson would have a little entourage of camera men with her. The entire meeting must be captured live, so the entire world will know how she single-handedly saved those cute little baby seals. Secondly, Ms. Anderson will dress "professionally." I envision some sort of black skirt and blazer with a white blouse. The skirt will be entirely too short and the blouse and blazer will be entirely too tight and too low. She'll also wear dark rimmed glasses and pull her hair up in a neat little bun to make herself look "smart." In the interests of modesty, she'll go with the 4inch, black pointed closed toe heel for the occasion.
Stephen Harper will wear a suit and tie. What else?
But enough with the clothes, on to the meeting.

Harper: "Good morning Ms. Anderson. I understand you wanted to see me about a pressing matter?"
Anderson: "Yes. Yes I do!"
20 camera's flash. Anderson smooths one side of her hair and adjusts her jacket. Harper waits... and waits...
Harper: "Well?"
Anderson: "Oh. Oh yes. It's about the seal hunt."
Harper: "What about it?"
Anderson: "I want you to tell them to stop."
Harper: "Oh. Well, Ms. Anderson, I can't do that."
Anderson: "What? Why?"
Harper: "Well, I'm sure you understand the way Parliament works. First I'd have to propose a bill. Then we'd have to debate it and make adjustments and then read it again. By the time we get it passed, the seal hunt would be over."
Anderson: "What? They don't just do as you say?"
Harper: "No."
Anderson: "But you're the Prime Minister."
Harper: "With a minority government. Now, if you'l excuse me, I need to meet with my Cabinet to discuss Health care reform. Parliament's first sitting is tomorrow."
Anderson: "Health care can wait! We must save the seals! Surely you can prevent next years hunt, can't you? For me?"
Anderson bats her eyelashes and lowers her voice
Anderson: "Maybe we should go into your office and discuss this in private."
emphasis on private. Anderson strokes her left breast and 20 cameras flash. At that moment, Harper catches MP's Solberg, Strahl and Flaherty standing behind all the cameras, where no one can see them. Each are grabbing invisible large breasts and giving him the thumbs up. Rona Ambrose is shaking her head in disgust, obviously telling them to stop. Harper loses his composure for a second and a giggle escapes.
Anderson: "I can see that you would like that, wouldn't you Mr Prime Minister?"
Harper: "Huh? What? No! And this meeting room is fine."
Anderson looks around.
Anderson: "But wouldn't you prefer a private meeting?"
emphasis on private.
Harper: "Actually, I would prefer to end this meeting. As I said, I need to discuss Health Care with my Cabinet."
Anderson: "But the seal hunt...?"
Harper: "Do you really think the seal hunt is a bigger problem than our countries health care crisis?"
Anderson: "But of course!"
Harper: "And wait times for things like cancer or hepatitis treatment, you don't think those are important issues?"
Anderson: "I wouldn't know. I've never had to wait."
Harper: "Apparently not."
various secretaries and security personnel usher out Anderson and her entourage of camera men as 20 cameras flash
Harper: "Enjoy your evening. Now, if someone will kindly shut the door, we can get down to business."

2 comments:

Sara said...

do you think Harper will pull out a club and bonk Anderson? loll

Dennis said...

And thus the "seriousness" of this pressing issue has been weighed and measured.

Nicely done, lol.

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