11/07/2005

Red Ensign Standard XXXI

A long time ago in a Canada not so far away...



Episode 31


Turmoil has engulfed the House of Commons. Scandal after scandal threatens to rip the governing Liberal party to shreds, releasing the country from its vice-like grip. The taxation of the common people and the use of said taxes is in dispute. The beloved sacred cow of health care is failing and softwood lumber continues to be an issue. Ministers wantonly spend tax monies without fear of retribution. Quebec threatens to leave Confederation... again. No one notices Alberta.
Hoping to placate the public by deflecting their attention away from real issues, the Prime Minister (secretly known as Darth Martin) concocted a story about American responsibility regarding gun violence in Toronto, which most people bought. He also began a weekly radio announcement, forged an alliance with the leader of the far-left leaning NDP and promised to Make Parliament Work. The NDP are not taken seriously by many, and are often the butt of jokes. They don't draw much more than limited admiration, and their general lack of spine serves the dark purposes of Darth Martin quite well.
In the midst of this stand the Conservatives, endlessly dogfighting the enemy. Alone, they wave the flag of integrity begging the public not to forget the heavy taxes foisted upon them and the many sins committed by this corrupt yet benevolent dictatorship.
A tiny band of rebels, considered space cadets by many, Jedi Knights by others, but known as the Red Ensign Brigade to all, recognized that their great country was not what it used to be. Even foreigners with dismal records had taken it upon themselves to point the finger at our mistakes. United under a common banner, a flag renounced by the left and Quebec, they struggled against oppression by blogging about their countries' ills and proposing possible solutions.
Joined by Scott Abbey and John Murney this week but abandoned by their Rebel Leader many moons ago, (and the Raging Kraut, Sue, Kate, and Rebecca sometime over the last fortnight), the members of the Red Ensign Brigade toil endlessly to restore truth and balance to Confederation.

In Quebec, Emperor Duceppe's Seperatist Armies walk the fine line of treason and celebrate the tenth anniversary of the second referendum on the Question of Sovreignty. Their celebration was fueled by the results of the Gomery Report.
The Gomery Report received a great deal of attention this week from the Brigade. Only one member, however, noted the ironic date of its release. Unfortunately for the country, Darth Martin was absolved of any responsibility and declared innoncent, despite the fact he was given extra time to review the report and spin a suitable story. Martin's predecessor Chretien nearly had a conniption during a press conference after the results were released. He was outraged at being found responsible in any way for his cronies' misconduct, and proved his innocence to the public using a sort of Chewbacca's Defense in which he pointed out the possible guilt of Conservatives. This turn of events did not surprise a single Brigade member. Even a Brigade matriarch or two had a comment.
More opinions on the Report and its findings can be found here, here and here.

The struggle against Smith the Sith and the Forces of Abotech continued. As the evidence against him mounted, Brigade members shared their opinions and pondered the Third Solitude neglected by our Governor General.

Not every Brigade member blogs alike and there is always a great deal of extraneous material to cover from week to week. For those members with deep religious convictions, the force is always an interesting, and sometimes provocative topic. Religion is often frowned upon by their enemies, and so it bears special consideration. This issue also saw the celebration of several holidays of significance such as St. Crispin's Day and Guy Fawkes Day. The most celebrated holiday however, was Halloween. The holiday is so popular that even NDP LeaderJack Layton celebrated. There was an unrelated concern over Christmas, but as it is a month away there is not much to worry about at the moment.

One of the most non sequitor topics was the case of banned Pigs and Goldfish. One can only assume that Ms. Piggy will go to England and then to Rome (with a stop over in Paris to do a little shopping for that perfect fur coat) to set them all straight. She is not one to be daunted by the Terrorist Mentality or War. As our country is unlikely to be of any assistance, she may require the assistance of a different Pork Buster
Or perhaps not.

Indeed, these have been dark times for the little Brigade. It is no small task to compose an issue of the Standard; it is a mission fit for a brave Jedi Knight. Below is a list of previous isses.
  1. Castle Argghhh

  2. Raging Kraut

  3. The Last Amazon

  4. Bumfonline

  5. Tiger in Winter (now blogging at Tiger in Exile)

  6. Taylor and Company (no longer online)

  7. Myrick

  8. Bound By Gravity

  9. Dust My Broom

  10. Ravishing Light

  11. Babbling Brooks

  12. Musing

  13. Freeway to Serfdom

  14. Nathan's Updates From Seoul

  15. Striving Against Opposition

  16. The Phantom Observer

  17. Abraca-Pocus!

  18. Tipperography

  19. Turning 30 and a half

  20. Canadian Comment

  21. London Fog

  22. The Monarchist

  23. West Coast Chaos

  24. A Chick Named Marzi

  25. Raging Kraut

  26. Robot Guy

  27. The High Places

  28. The Last Amazon

  29. Robot Guy

  30. Quotulatiousness


The Next Issue will be hosted by: Gen X at 40. May the Force be with you.

9 comments:

The Brigadier, Red Ensign Brigade said...

Fascinating, how well the current situation lends itself to the Star Wars treatment. An entertaining standard indeed, Ruth. Thanks for taking this on!

VW said...

Nice job, Ruth. It's unfortunate that Blogger can't let you do a animated scroll graphic, but your weaving in of links works pretty well.

Shane said...

Oi. The format actually makes you click on the links to see how they relate to the story.

Ruth said...

Some of them don't relate as well as I'd like, but yeah, you are supposed to read it all ;-) I mean, I had to.
Glad you like it.

Scott A. said...

Well written. But there were just two tiny mistakes: there is no PC party anymore, and the separatists were celebrating the 10th anniversary of the second referendum, not the first. I'm not a nit-picker but I just thought that I would point that out.

Ruth said...

Thanx for pointing those out. I have made the appropriate changes

Temujin said...

Thanks Ruth, great job. A unique Standard to say the least.

Sue said...

Wow! Awesome job, Ruth!

MapMaster said...

Great fun to read. Very nice job.

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