7/26/2004

Consulting

How would you like to make $1,000 a day for doing nothing?
Become an IT Consultant, and this grotesque amount of money will be yours.

It takes very little work, but requires a substantial up front investment.
Just read a few books (I have).
Take a few 2 or 3 day courses at $2,500 a pop (I have not).
Write the certification test for a mere $1,500 (I have not).
Learn to bs (but then, who can't?).
The corporate big wigs, that is to say, the mindless fools who think  they run things, will turn over their riches to you. Reiterate what  any one of their millions of peons have been saying for months, and  they will call you the Genius Who Saved their Company. You will "drive  policy and process definition." Just be sure to snag the notes  off that peon over there in the corner who's already spent four months documenting policy and process.

Consider this: If you actually worked all 365 days of the year minus 52 Sundays, minus 52 Saturdays minus 2 weeks vacation, you would make $247k a year to tell people what they really already know, but aren't willing to do until a "professional" tells them to do it.

And by the way, that's the educational discount rate.
The regular rate for non-academics, that is people who are actually stupider than us, is $1,500 a day, which would be $370,500 for the same number of days. Apparently, both of these fees are "cheap for consultants."

But let's be realistic, shall we.
In order for you to make what I make, you only have to work 28 1/2 days a year. Not bad, considering that I have an MSc in Computer Science, with a focus on Human Computer Interaction, and you probably only have your bachelor's or a college diploma combined with an outrageously expensive course or two.
That's one month and a week, because of course, I didn't count weekends. At the regular rate, you only need to work for 19 days, or four weeks minus a day.
In order to make a "normal" wage, you only need to work 40 days of the year. That's two months. At the regular rate, 26 and 2/3 of a day is all that is required which, for those who are paying attention, is less than what is required to make what I make if you're working at the discounted rate.

Go figure.

No wonder the vendor from Friday had such a fancy suit on.

I have decided to start my own consulting company.
Opinions 'R' Us.
For a mere $1,000 a day, and remember that's the discounted rate, I'll tell you what to think.
As a measure of good will, the first lesson is free. Here it is:

People are stupid That's why everyone does everything.





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